Saturday, 12 April 2014

Peace within

Next week, it would be my piano diploma exam, the Associate of London College of Music (ALCM).

This is the second diploma in the London College of Music (LCM) board. As I have completed my first diploma (DipLCM) in April 2011. This marks my 3rd year doing ALCM.



Recently, I started to relax more. :) It's great to feel peace within. My mind tones down and no longer have internal struggles. I began to SMILE more often.



Always longing for companionship, I hated to be alone as I lack social skills and don't really blend in well and don't really have cliques.



Just beginning my journey in university, I began to seek inner peace. I had anxiety and faced many small depressive episodes in the previous year. Somehow, these feelings, they became me. 



I could not see the other side of life, I didn't want to either. As I jot down my personal experience, I want to let people out there to know, that:




You CAN change your life

But, the change has to come from you. People such as mentors, friends, teachers and family can only guide you. The only time you can change is the MOMENT you make THE DECISION to change.



Why didn't I want to change? The dark cloud of sadness, despair, loneliness, low self confidence, self loath shadowed over me over the years. I have identified myself with it. But as I reflect more, I realized - genetics and personality may make you predisposed to have certain mental or emotional problems, but the desire and determination to change while holding on to hope will bring you further.



Although I have not yet made many friends, I am glad and grateful I am in Monash. I learn to enjoy my ME time. With weekly yoga, some meditation that my friend strongly encouraged me to do, a self-help DBT that I am trying out and working on and listening to relaxing music, I am becoming more positive and happy. :) I am also slowing down my work, not rushing to everywhere I go. Allow time to prepare for my assignment etc.



I swayed away from God these few weeks, picking up my Bible again, was just reading Isaiah 58:11-14 yesterday



The Lord will guide you always;
    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
    and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
    like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
    Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
    and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
    and the Lord’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
    and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the Lord,
    and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
    and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

I just hope that, I will stay calm during my ALCM exam next week and be able to perform excellently. Please pray for my playing to be expressive, scales to be fluent and my sight reading to be smooth.


Please drop your comments below. Thank you. :)