Tuesday, 29 April 2014

Becoming stronger everyday

Recently, I faced some troubles in my university, having a period of up (mood-wise) then due to certain issue, I literally crashed into a low.

I thought of talking to a professional about it and see how I can get better from these annoying yet constant moments. I even considered registering under DLU, applying for extension for my assignments or taking an intermission from university.

While I was in my deep pit of sorrow, I asked myself, "If I stop university now, how will I be able to achieve my dream, my ambition, my goal?" I guess I was always a Thinker by nature, hence I ruminate a lot. This time around, I got in touch with my inner being, my heart... It's telling me I WANT to become a Clinical Psychologist. I want to explore how I can help others heal and hold on to hope, hang on there and eventually embrace the joy that comes after hard work put into the journey of recovery. Another voice tells me: "Yes, you're working part-time as a piano teacher now; Yes, it's a lucrative industry, money-making...etc". I could just quit studying and teach full-time.

But, I know it's not what I want.

My life has been much better since the beginning of this year. I am starting to see light, feel happiness and joy once more. I know it may be a long journey where I walk three steps ahead and one step back. There may be times of confusion, where I feel lost and helpless. But, I know that if I keep my fire burning, I can eventually recover and get back on track again.

This time, I am going to take charge of my recovery! Hope to have a good day tomorrow. Tata for now.

Friday, 18 April 2014

A movie review amateur

I was not a movie person all these while... Seldom make it a point to go to the cinemas and don't really have a taste for movies.

What I watched are mostly episodes in a series, like Law and Order: SVU, Criminal Minds, How I met your mother, NCIS, The Amazing Race, Sherlock, things like that.

So... I just want to say, as I begin to write movie reviews, they're gonna be just simple and include my views about the movie. I will try to learn more of the technical part of it. But, let's just take it slowly for now.

Hope you enjoy!


Saturday, 12 April 2014

Peace within

Next week, it would be my piano diploma exam, the Associate of London College of Music (ALCM).

This is the second diploma in the London College of Music (LCM) board. As I have completed my first diploma (DipLCM) in April 2011. This marks my 3rd year doing ALCM.

Recently, I started to relax more. :) It's great to feel peace within. My mind tones down and no longer have internal struggles. I began to SMILE more often.

Always longing for companionship, I hated to be alone as I lack social skills and don't really blend in well and don't really have cliques.

Just beginning my journey in university, I began to seek inner peace. I had anxiety and faced many small depressive episodes in the previous year. Somehow, these feelings, they became me. 

I could not see the other side of life, I didn't want to either. As I jot down my personal experience, I want to let people out there to know, that:

You CAN change your life

But, the change has to come from you. People such as mentors, friends, teachers and family can only guide you. The only time you can change is the MOMENT you make THE DECISION to change.

Why didn't I want to change? The dark cloud of sadness, despair, loneliness, low self confidence, self loath shadowed over me over the years. I have identified myself with it. But as I reflect more, I realized - genetics and personality may make you predisposed to have certain mental or emotional problems, but the desire and determination to change while holding on to hope will bring you further.

Although I have not yet made many friends, I am glad and grateful I am in Monash. I learn to enjoy my ME time. With weekly yoga, some meditation that my friend strongly encouraged me to do, a self-help DBT that I am trying out and working on and listening to relaxing music, I am becoming more positive and happy. :) I am also slowing down my work, not rushing to everywhere I go. Allow time to prepare for my assignment etc.

I swayed away from God these few weeks, picking up my Bible again, was just reading Isaiah 58:11-14 yesterday

The Lord will guide you always;
    he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
    and will strengthen your frame.
You will be like a well-watered garden,
    like a spring whose waters never fail.
12 Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
    and will raise up the age-old foundations;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
    Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.
13 “If you keep your feet from breaking the Sabbath
    and from doing as you please on my holy day,
if you call the Sabbath a delight
    and the Lord’s holy day honorable,
and if you honor it by not going your own way
    and not doing as you please or speaking idle words,
14 then you will find your joy in the Lord,
    and I will cause you to ride in triumph on the heights of the land
    and to feast on the inheritance of your father Jacob.”
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken.

I just hope that, I will stay calm during my ALCM exam next week and be able to perform excellently. Please pray for my playing to be expressive, scales to be fluent and my sight reading to be smooth.

Please drop your comments below. Thank you. :)

Sunday, 6 April 2014

My Story

It's been quite a while since I started writing on this blog. And I realised, I haven't actually introduced myself yet.

I am Amy Ng, 黄望绮 (中), a Malaysian, of a Chinese descent and was chinese-educated. I attended a chinese primary school and continued my secondary education in a government school where I still continued my Chinese Language.

Simply put it, Mandarin is a dying language in Malaysia, the education system here is very academic orientated where students often aimed to achieve all As in their secondary school government exam - Sijil Pelajaran Malaysia (SPM), hence dropping the subject of Mandarin / Chinese language, since it had a low percentage of students scoring high grades in it.

I was brought up in that environment too, typical Chinese background, in which excellence is something we all ought to strive for. Hence, I was always in top classes from primary through secondary school.

I am glad and fortunate enough to be able to share this with you today, as I believe that "one story shared, is one understanding gained".

Being perfectionistic as I was, and partially still am, I had a major breakdown back in 2012, where my grades failed me in that sense, where I was no longer performing above average, no longer comparable at the same level with my peers. It was a huge roadblock for me. I fell drastically into a depression. For a period of time, I stopped my many other activities to try to get back up on my feet again. It was a pretty fast recovery in 2013, despite still having struggles during that year.

It was tough, back then, being a person with not-so-excellent social skills and low self esteem. However, still I thank God for that short episode, which gave me a taste of failure, a taste of great disappointment, a taste of the fact that I am not perfect......

For many years before 2012, I was a very hardworking, confident and determined student. I believe I will succeed in what I want to accomplish as long as I put my best efforts in it. I wouldn't settle for anything less than perfect. There is always a way for me to improve, be better, no matter what.

Those were my beliefs back then.

Because of that experience, I began to see life in another perspective,
- Slow down, you don't need to rush for anything, not tuitions, not the next move, not the future.
- There's more things you can explore that you may miss due to overfocusing on the task at hand.
- You cannot be the person you admire, nor the person next to you. Because you are the unique YOU.
- Adversities, problems, hardships are part and parcel of the journey and experience of LIFE, those are what makes you know how wonderful it is to s.m.i.l.e :) when you manage to go through and overcome them.

I wish to tell you more about how much I have change, but that would be covered in another post.

Now, I am pursuing Bachelor of Arts (Social Sciences), majoring in Psychology at Monash University, Malaysia campus.

On the side note, I love to play music (piano, flute, violin and vocal), explore NEW things everyday. I enjoy philosophy, reading, just started trying out meditationyoga and some self-help techniques (Anthony Robbins, Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT) and Cognitive Behavior Therapy) and of course Psychology. I have a what people may consider as weird hobby of thinking about life's random things -- Why, is my favourite question.

To a certain extent, I think we all have a 'crazy' part of ourselves that we so enjoy and want to let it all out. :) I also believe we can connect with each other with what's common between us, the essential human experiences.

Well, Life's Fun, life's creative and unpredictable. We all may face setbacks at times, but most importantly, enjoy the present moment and don't lose hope!

Drop me a comment if you wish and have a good day ahead!

Saturday, 5 April 2014

first psych assignment in uni ... and how I screwed up.

Week 5 was the deadline for submission of my Psych Written Summary and Oral Report. And how dare I to only begin it ONE DAY before deadline...

I rushed through the night, burning midnight oil on Thursday night through the night till Friday morning. Having headache from previous night, and feeling the extreme fatigue for staying up.

I did badly for the assignment which carried a weightage of 20%. Wrote poorly due to no time to analyse and read carefully for my research journals.

10% for Written Summary of 3 research reports on the title: Is punishment an effective behavioural modification strategy in children.

10% for an Oral Report.. 

Well, to submit on time, I did not have the luxury to prepare slides for my oral report. 

Still did it anyway, here's a link to my Oral Report, if anyone is interested haha.

PSY1011 Oral Report: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=InVh896a6bc