Friday, 18 October 2013

Self Reflection and Sharing

SACE Year 12 exams are just round the corner, starting in 19 days time.  I'm definitely starting the Countdown. (sighs)

Being in the study environment (a.k.a. class) that is a huge difference from my high school class, I find myself
SEARCHING.. for what is studies supposed to be? as if I am some lost soul in higher education.

Decision Making is one thing that I always struggle with..
My busy-body Mind, not me in essence will keep thinking/considering other possibilities or probabilities or negative externalities interfering with this decision (any decision that I make on a daily basis in general).

From the book, The Power of NOW by spiritual teacher and counsellor @Eckhart Tolle, I learnt that our MIND is not the Real US.

Some facts about how our mind works (based on the book):
1. Philosopher Descartes believed that " I think, therefore I am" (p.12).
Self reflection: Sometimes, I get confused too as I often get so emotionally unstable because of some troubles I am facing until the point I feel: I cannot live with my mind anymore.  Then at that instant, I knew my mind and the true me are different beings.

2. People struggle emotionally and mentally due to them unconsciously identifying themselves with their mind (p. 13), which is constantly nosy, come out with thoughts based on past experiences (conscious or unconscious).
Self reflection: Throughout SAM year, I had the opportunity to explore myself, I tend to analyse, so sometimes I analyse what I think.  And quite opposite to the belief that I may go nuts thinking all day (I do sometimes), but I realise I am more Aware, more Conscious and more Present as it is emphasised in the book.

3. Mind is a superb instrument if used correctly, but if used wrongly, it will become destructive to the person (p.13).
Self reflection: As a person who THINKS and FEELS excessively, at times unnecessarily, I often find myself unable to turn off the mind-thinking button.... sighs.. Still working on staying in the now, the present, in body, mind and spirit.

In this year 2013, I have:

  • learned to approach things in a less stressed out way (as compared to what I used to do)
  • accepted that we all have strengths and weaknesses & that there are just some things that we are not capable of doing
  • learned to always ask myself what is it that I DESIRE and WANT, instead of constantly seeking for opinions for validation.
  • not let what is going on around me affect me in a great extent.
  • strive to consistently remind myself that "Yes, there are setbacks in Life, there were wrong decisions made, there were bad times, but it's not the end."
  • for:

I was constantly reminding myself this. :-)

While day-in day-out, I get stucked, literally stucked when needed to make a decision,
I remind myself, it's okay if you take more time to do it.
Slowly, and surely you can make the decision.
Well, I pray before I make important decisions (eg: applying for uni course, when to apply etc.)
And go with what I feel would be right, would lead me to the career I desire, the HAPPY life that I desire, hopefully would be God's will for me.

While I always have internal self talk (usually negative) bugging me on a daily basis --- the noisy mind and things around me that irritates me, confuses me while my mind keep trying to make sense of it, 

I strive to muster the COURAGE to live life, to the FULLEST, in hopes that things will get better, time will heal and I can be more at PEACE with Me.  

After many months of SOUL SEARCHING and basically exploring what I truly want, not in Mind but in Heart.  What kind of a person I want to be?  What type of work (vocation) I see myself doing for life?  et cetera.

During the GOOD days where thoughts and feelings aren't so overwhelming, I feel capable of achieving, I feel capable of turning bad situations around, simply being Optimistic about the future.

But during those Not-so-good days, thoughts and feelings bugged, my negative mind takes over, I am no longer present, it's all the mind that controls all of my being. (sounds a little abstract but I am sure you all will feel this). During these times, my internal world (emotions, feelings, self esteem, thinking, productivity) crashed. SIMPLY CRASHED.  Low self esteem, feeling depressed, you name it.

But still, I carry onto the only thing that kept me surviving this SAM year.


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