Friday, 6 September 2013

How to let go certainty and control?

Have you ever thought your life is out of your control?  Have you feel the irresistible need to control every single event that ought to happen in the next hour, next day? Have you ever felt the compelling need to be certain of some things before you begin your work/assignment or make a major decision?

Needing remote controls to navigate your life??

Without a doubt, I can say I am a "control freak" of my own life.  As I recalled some of the unpredictable events that have happened in my life, I've since 'learned' the only way to ensure things to go my way is to -- control everything




Attempting to control things in life probably 

makes you feel LESS in CONTROL. 



That, is one thing that I have learned after working through much confusion that I have about "what's life all about?", people, things that cause me to think and rethink etc....

Well, basically, all the philosophical stuff that people in the world have spent years trying to find individual answers to them.  

After months of self reflection and rethinking about the 'wrong' decisions that I have made in the past, resulting in some really bad consequences... I finally realised sometimes, when we WANT / DEMAND the Absolute Certainty of MINUTE details in work, assignments or simply future events..... We conditioned ourselves to Only start work after we have "confirmed" every detail.  

This almost always lead to a Certain Failure.  

Although I cannot generalise that everyone of us will experience this when we demand control, however, for me, this is the case. 

You may ask:

What's wrong with trying to control things and people? 

There is nothing wrong if you want to control, but these are just some of my thoughts. 

1. We will feel stressed because no one can predict the future. And you trying to control things, you are trying to get a specific outcome, to achieve your desire of something. 

Let me just ask you this: What if you don't get what you want in the end? Would you still want to control? Did controlling REALLY help you to achieve what you want?

2. Controlling takes up energy, and often makes you unhappy. 

Maybe you dislike someone else's actions, and you attempt to change it, whatever it is you want to control. Please bear in mind, you cannot make someone change unless they are willing to. This means there are many things we cannot control, predict and prevent in life. 

How about desiring Certainty?  What does it bring?

1. Disappointment

In specific professions such as doctor and pharmacist, having certainty in what they do is important.  But that is called confidence.  In this scenario, we are talking about desiring certainty when none can be given!  Take an example of a Writer's Block, you kept wanting to know for certain if your style of writing is suited for your new book that you are about to begin writing.  Then because of being all anxious and needing the absolute answer and certainty (which you would not get), you ended up spending more time thinking of that instead of working on a draft. 

So, asking for certainty in things excessively will lead to disappointment. 

2. Losing Time

In ensuring everything is nice and good and perfect before you continue with anything, you are going to WASTE time!  Absolute certainty is not achievable because others' views, opinions, feedbacks are simply based on their perceptions.  It may not be applicable or useful to you.