It is good to know that life has a lot to offer you, but even better to know that you have got a lot to offer life! -- Unknown --
Have you all ever thought of valuing yourself? Well, not in terms of monetary value, for our lives aren't supposed to be put on a price tag (just my opinion). After reading a section of a book written by psychologist Gillian Butler and psychiatrist Tony Hope entitled "Manage Your Mind - The Mental Fitness Guide", I would love to share my thoughts on Self Value, simply meaning valuing yourself as an individual.
When do you value yourself? Is it necessary? Personally, I believe being aware of our inner thoughts are crucial to help us all build successful lives, whether it is in studies, careers, relationships or even in socialising. Just imagine, if you are not even aware of what you think or how you behave, it is for sure that you would be vulnerable in the society. Hence, with self awareness comes self value. Firstly, just giving you a general idea of self value, self value is a rather subconsious action that we all do, through some experiences and achievements in life, to give ourselves worth. The worth here may be positive or negative. It's like rating how well you think of yourself from a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being the low value, and 10 being the highest value.
What exactly is Self Value?
So, how do we actually value ourselves? Do we value ourselves by our achievement and perceived success, or do we value ourselves by searching within ourselves a sense of worth? Many believed that: "The better I do in the assignment (for example), the more worthy I become or the more respected I am." I would say that is PLAIN WRONG. Let me give you an example here. Using the analogy of parental love as written in Butler G. & Hope T. (2006), eventhough children may do as many things that their parents disapprove of, or maybe the children just have really bad attitudes, parents would still LOVE them with all their heart...... despite everything that they have done. Carl Rogers call this unconditional positive regard. In short, this unique value present within all of us, does not depend on whether or not you have the abilities to do things, attain success in life. Valuing yourself is based on you, as an individual and that's it! You being who you are gives you value.
Are you applying Double Standards?
Talking about double standards, most of the time it means underrating yourself because you are you and not someone else, and also sometimes overrating others. Why do we do that? Simply because we care for ourselves, our future and apply a different standard on our daily assignments and work simply because we want to attain better things (it can be anything in general). For example, in a test, you will not be satisfied if you obtained an A grade and desire for an A+; whereas for your sibling who obtained only a B, you would say "Well done" to him or her. You are doing this not because you are greedy for better results, it's because you are setting another standard to achieve for yourself. Ask yourself, how different are you from your sibling? Why downgrade yourself just because it is you?
It is important not to set double standard for yourself as you will be constantly undermining yourself, and sooner or later you will have negative thoughts about yourself because you are always undervaluing yourself.
More Reasons that we undervalue ourselves
1. I am not someone else who is better than I am
For example, there is someone whom you admire because they have more capabilities in doing a certain job. And what you do is you berrate yourself for not being like this person because you don't have the capabilities to do the things that this so-and-so did. Think about it, are you thinking rationally? This person may have the abilities that you don't, but you do have your own strengths, talents and abilities too. Does having less of a ability make you less of being a person? No. Hence, it is only logical and sensible that we value ourselves as who we are.
2. It's arrogant
Arrogance is unfair to others. Undervaluing yourself is some way is just the same as being arrogant, except it's the reverse. Giving yourself a value is a right things to do, in fact it's good for self improvement and also maturity in the process of growing.
3. I have made many mistakes
Many times, we undervalue ourselves not because we are disappointed for missing the mark, it's because we are disappointed in ourselves. But the fact is, more often that not, it is in the nature of standards that we often fail to live up to them all the time. It's impossible. As we become self aware that we have failed in something that we do, it is important for us to value ourselves and rectify the mistakes, or improve on it et cetera. And the ability to be able to rectify problems is the sole reason we should never cease valuing ourselves.
So peeps, valuing yourself is vital as we go through phases in life and it helps to give a boost in various aspects, such as motivation, self esteem, confidence and also self improvement. Lastly, I hope that you all learn something new in this article and benefit from my sharing. Do comment below if you have any questions. :D
Remember, besides having self value,
That's all for now.
Butler, G & Hope, T 2006 Manage Your Mind - The Mental Fitness Guide (2nd Edn.), Oxford University Press, Oxford, England.